The Urban Homeschooler

Today’s Verse – Matthew 7:1-2

 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

I thought it would be a good idea to occasionally throw in a verse; you know make myself look more official.  I picked Matthew 7:1-2 for two reasons.  The first is because today was visitation day with my foster son’s parents.  The second is because yesterday I promised to talk about date night.  How do these two subjects have anything to do with each other? 

Foster Care

We became certified foster parents in January of this year and received our first blessing in March.  For the purpose of identification I will call him by his nickname lil G.   I take lil G to see his parents three times a week. They are…I hope you’re sitting…nice people; as are many of the other biological and foster parents at the foster care agency.  You hear a lot of horror stories about foster kids, their parents and the system.  It’s actually not that bad.  Granted it is a peculiar bit of business. I could write a book a la Nanny Diaries on some of the stories I have seen and heard, but to tell you the truth there are Hollywood stories that are more scandalous.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

Date Night aka Love, Listen and Learn

This leads us to what we have all been waiting for, date night. Dh and I try to go on a date at least once a week.  We started doing this after I was inspired by an article I read on Chabad.org (my favorite Orthodox Jewish website). Whether you are newly married, married for 30 years, have kids or are empty nesters, I greatly suggest a weekly social and spiritual update.

Here are the ground rules.

1.   Have a budget.  Ours is usually is $10-$20.

2.   You can’t talk about finances or the kids.

3.   You can’t go to the movies, a concert or any other event where you can’t have a private conversation.  That said those dates are important, but they are not this date.

4.   One person speaks, the other listens.  It goes something like this. 

a.   How was your week?  

b.   How are you doing spiritually?    

c.   How did I do as a husband/wife?  Did I make you feel respected/loved?

5.   The most important part of part 4c is that the questioner/listener cannot defend themselves. This is important because whether you feel the response is justified is irrelevant.  This is how your spouse feels and you need to honor that. Don't judge them for how they feel. Say sorry if need be and acknowledge there may be something you need to work on.  Be humble!

These dates have totally changed how we talk to each other.  I feel safer sharing my discouraging moments and disappointments, because I know he will listen.  He feels the same.  Do we always honor ground rule number 5?  Of course not!  The beauty of the rule is we want to honor it.  Marriage, just like our relationship with G-d is a journey.  Perfection not required, just desired.